Hey, I’m not Pervin’, just trying to make it easier for YOU!

I love the helpful sort, ready to forego their modesty just to make my life easier!  And to be extra nice, their going to let me know upfront they’re good tippers to boot.

As a non-sarcastic aside, I can understand the lure of that extra money for massage therapists.   Particularly during start up or those slow months, sometimes we are living from one massage to the next.  I’ve seen the comments on the message board as therapists are struggling to decide whether or not to see a client they don’t like (difficult, boundary pusher, or possible perv), because they really need that money.  And I don’t doubt that hobbyists have preyed on that and massage therapists have made stupid decisions because of the lack.

I think one of the biggest lacks in my field is marketing skills or resources.  I hope tools become available in the near future.

Paul wants to help me out on this day.  Here’s his email:

I come to [your city] periodically and have had massages from 3 or 4 different ladies. I don’t at all mind paying for a good massage and I usually tip well for a good massage. I have not however had a lomi lomi massage and I found your video very interesting. It looked like it would feel really good. I have one question. Does a person getting this massage have to be draped. I am not a rude person, it just looks like it would flow better if the giver never had to stop to adjust the cloth. Thanks Paul

Paul is not only a big tipper and helpful, but he’s also an expert on a massage he’s never had!  But he isn’t a rude person.  Point taken, Paul!  You can read my response:


Well, how kind of you to be so VERY helpful as to give up your own modesty for the sake of the massage!  However, draping is required by law in the state of [my practice] and quite frankly, I have no desire to see your genitals.  Fortunately, I’ve never had to stop and adjust the draping so I’ve never found it to be an issue as far as interrupting the flow of the massage.  Thanks so much for your concern, though!
Additional information and pricing can be found on my website at [my .com].


I never heard back from Paul.  I guess he was sad i rebuffed his helpful attempts.  So sad.  I often lead people back to my website.  It is my thought that directing them back to the site where it is clearly written, several places, that draping is required and I follow legal and ethical guidelines, offer THERAPEUTIC massage, etc, perhaps they will catch a clue.

Hobbyists, this one is for you – when you read an ad/website what, in your mind, tips you off that it is a legit therapist?  Your input please.

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The Creativity Never Ceases to Amuse

I love when they get all creative on me and  invent new terms for sexual acts – then try to tell me they’re not sexual acts. Let’s take Ron here…

“Hi, Im Ron. Do you offer sensual massages, no sex just erotic hand style”

Short and sweet.  Now “erotic hand style” is the prettiest name for a hand job I think I’ve ever seen.  Or the funniest.  I can’t decide.  However, in every state a hand job for money is considered a sexual act so Ron got my usual send off to some local prostitutes.

Erotic hand Style….seriously?!?

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It’s okay – I’m a professional!

I’ve gotten several emails/texts where the sender has made it a point to let me know he is a “professional”.  They never tell me what kind of professional.  Makes a girl wonder!

Let’s take kyle, for example:

I am interested in a massage by you.  Where is your location?  Are you in a private location?   Do you require draping?  I am a professional 30 yr old male.

I look forward to hearing from you.


You know what I love most?  That Kyle looks forward to hearing from me.  I imagine he’s sitting by his computer with bated breath, hoping the next email through would be mine.  *sigh*  Okay…onto my response.


My office is located in [protecting the innocent].  You can find more information at my website [fancy schmancy www inserted here]

Draping is required by law in the state of [you know the drill].

I am a professional 37 year old female.

MassageChick, LMT


Sadly, I never heard back from Kyle. 

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But undraped genital massage is a medical necessity!

Usually the pervs are quick and dirty with their messages.  They know what they’re asking is illegal and they’re just fishing around to find who will give them the service they desire.  But awhile back I got a lengthy email trying to justify his request – as if a sad story makes doing the illegal all okay.  I hated to be the one to tell him, he’s gonna have to take his chances like everyone else looking for undraped (illegal in my state) massage of his genitals (prostitution everywhere in the U.S. and once again, illegal in my state).

*bold notations are my additions and not included in any of the correspondence

Hello.  I am writing this email in hopes that I can get my point across clearly and not be misunderstood as simply a pervert inappropriately looking for sex from a legitimate therapeutic massage provider. (Gee Jon, maybe you’re being pegged as a pervert because you’re looking for sexual acts from a therapeutic massage provider!  Duh!)

I have been struggling with issues of shame, and insecurity regarding my body for quite some time.  Unfortunately it is severe enough to have completely prevented me from developing healthy normal intimate relationships.  This is a result of traumatic events during my childhood (abandonment and abuse), and while I am currently pursuing psychological therapy for assistance, talking often does not have nearly the impact that touch can. (And I’ve worked with psychologists and their clients who struggle with abuse by giving safe AND LEGAL therapeutic touch – amazing, they were helped by legal therapeutic means!)

What I think could be helpful for me would be a full body massage with little or no draping, and including glutes, inner thighs, lower abdominal area, and the perineum.  While I know this probably sounds like a prelude to requests for an “erotic massage” or some other hope of sexual contact, I assure you it is not. (That pretty much nails the definition of erotic massage right on the head.  Your intention doesn’t make it any less illegal, Jon) It is trivially easy to find so called “erotic massage” providers, to procure sexual services, but I have no interest in that.  What I think could help me with some of the intensely negative feelings I have towards my body would be a very open, and non-judgemental, massage experience that covered all of these areas in a professional and non sexual manner.

I completely understand why a legitimate therapist would be very leery of this sort of thing (Leary?  No, just taking it for what it is – One more inappropriate request) as I’m sure you are constantly inundated with inappropriate requests.  I just happen to find myself in a very unique position with the issues that I’m dealing with, and am attempting to seek out help as best I can. (which notice he’s indicated psychological issues – WAY out of my scope of practice.  But I love how he’s self-diagnosed illegal sexual acts!  I wonder if that has assauged his guilt when he visited the prostitute who offered these services to him?) Please let me know if you, or someone (professional and qualified) –(Call me silly, but it seems that a sex worker/prostitute would be professional and qualified.  Can any of my readers recommend any one else?) that you know of would be comfortable working with me in this matter.



My response isn’t nearly as witty or biting as it could be.  Either he’s really that pathetic and really is convinced sex is gonna solve his problem or he’s really workin’ his perv muscle hard!  Actually, I love it when pervs take the time to look up all the anatomical names so they appear less crude so maybe my mild response …


What you are asking for IS considered an erotic massage according to the laws of the state of ….  No legitimate/legal massage therapist would consider your request. It is way outside the scope of practice for a massage therapist.  The only “provider” qualified for what you’re asking for is a prostitute.  So, you’ll have to take your chances at arrest  just like everyone else looking for massage of genitals (perineum is considered a genital area in state of TN…) and no draping.  I suggest begin looking in the “erotic” or “body rubs” section of backpage.

Your other option is to talk to your therapist if you don’t find your therapy to be effective enough and see what he/she suggests or simply find another psychologist who meets your needs.

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My Very First Proposition From a Woman!

After a long and unusual week of emails requesting no draping, I got an even MORE unusual request- sensual massage for a woman!  I have to admit, I’ve never been asked this before.  It came via text message and I never really could establish if it were a man asking for his wife/girlfriend or an actual woman.

I could do a search on the phone number to find out and if curiosity gets the best of me, I just might.  In the meantime,  here is the conversation that came at a rather convenient time for me!  Probably not a comforting thing for the wanabe client.

I will refer to the client by the last 4 numbers of the phone number for the sake of their annonymity – ‘cuz I’m nice like that.

5959 – I assume that you massage women also?

Me – Of course!  Wome are the majority of my clientel.

5959 – Is you massage strictly therapeutic or is there a sensual option?

Me – I am a Licensed Massage Therapist.  A “sensual massage” is not within my scope of practice.  As far as I know, the only people who perform that service would be prostitutes.

5959 – Okay – I understand that – thank you.

Me – So glad you do!  You’d be amazed how many people are stupid enough to ask regardless of the clarity of it in my ads AND website.  So interesting…

5959  – Well I must be naive because I thought most private therapists offered men a “release” whether LMT or not and I was wondering if the same option would be available to women…but thanks for clarifying.

Me – anyone who offers ANY sexual work is a prostitute.  And as far as the state is concerned, makes their license null & void.  but you have amazing timing as I happen to be having breakfast with a few of [unnamed city] PD’s finest…I’m happy to verify this with them just for you because I always like to go the extra mile for folks!

5959 – That’s okay – have a great day.

Me – Consensus is…sensual massage for a man or woman for pay is indeed illegal & considered prostitution!  It’s all official now.  Taking a chance with a prostitute is the way for you to go!  And thank you.  I absolutely will have a great day!

5959 – okay

Me – I’m happy to keep your number though and keep you updated!  Ah the joys of texting.  You have a great day too!

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Are Sex Workers The Enemy?

You’ll see me refer people to prostitutes quite often in my reply.  It may shock you to know, I’m being quite serious.  I’m not going to get all moral on their butt.  They’re big boys (and sometimes girls) and will make their own decision.  I am simply taking the opportunity to educate them as to the proper place to find what they are looking for.

I think we can all agree that what two adults do consentually between themselves is none of our business.  But at this time, when those two adults are having consensual sex and money is being exchanged for it – it is illegal.  Both the John and the sex worker are taking a risk.  A risk they must feel is worth the possibility of humiliation of themselves, possibly their family, money for legal fees and a legal record.

Certainly I have an opinion of whether prostitution is a good or bad career choice.  But that doesn’t really matter, does it?  After all, this isn’t personal.  I expect that prostitution will continue until the end of time.  And my “beef” has never been with the sex workers who are honest and upfront about what they offer.  It has been with ANYONE (licensed or not) who offers massage with a subtle undercurrent with a sexual happy ending that, quite frankly, pisses me off.

You’re a prostitute?  Great.  Go do your job.  Offer sex (or “time” is the word often used by escorts).  Let them know what you’re offering.  BBBJ’s, CBJ, FS, Greek, etc.  I have no problem with this.  But do not tell them you’re offering massage.  You’re not.  You are offering illegal sexual services.  Period.  Many of you say you’re not ashamed of what you do – so prove it.  Be loud.  Be proud.  Be honest.

The most devious of the Sex Workers are the licensed massage therapists who give happy endings.  You’re confusing the Johns you serve and suddenly they think every massage therapist (they rarely distinguish licensed from non-licensed and in my state ONLY licensed MTs can practice massage) is going to offer some sort of sexual options for tips.

So sadly, it is my own colleagues who are often the cause of the insanely stupid correspondence I receive.  I try not to dwell on this too often, because quite frankly it’s depressing.  And I am aware this happens quite frequently.   I’m privy to certain information and I happen to know a LMT in the same office I work, who I really like and is quite intelligent about massage, is giving the occasional release.

And that (pardon the possible pun) sucks.

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I hate to tell you – but you’ve already been seeing a prostitute

I honestly do try to assume people are looking for legitimate work.  After all, my ads clearly state I do therapeutic work, require draping, work within ethical/legal boundaries and have several links to my website where it states all that again, and more!  But some people just don’t get it – or are too lazy to read.  It’s a toss up as to which one wins out more.

*Bolded/Italicized notes are my own

0769 – [massagechick]…what part of [city] are you located?

Me – I am in the [removed for privacy] area. You can find info on the location & more on the type of work I do at [fancy schmancy website].

0769 – K……..thanks

Me – My pleasure

0769 – [MassageChick]…….Do you allow ur male clients to have sensual tension relief as a part of the client therapy?

Me – I’m afraid you’ll have to take your chances with a prostitute for that.  It is not with the scope of practice or the ethical & legal boundaries of a massage therapist.

0769 – lol no thanks on the prost thing.  Sorry if I offended u….some massage therapists say its a vital practice for complete relaxation and tension therapy (Really?!?  Do any of the massage therapists reading this tell their clients that?  I’ve got some questions for ya.  I should have gotten the name of his therapist!)*

Me – Well, if they do, they’re not massage therapists, they’re prostitutes & not too bright ones at that.  Now you know the difference!  So, I suggest going back to the prostitutes you’ve seen previously.  Problem solved.  Ta da!  Like magic!

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